Snow
by Bacon and Potatoes
Summary: The white snowflakes looked beautiful against his grave.


The snowflakes that danced around him fell silently.

It was a beautiful day, he had to admit. It was quiet and peaceful.

He brushes his hair out of his eyes and he breathes slowly – exhaling a small white cloud. It wasn't easy for him to walk in the snow – it had piled neatly on the surface of the grass, reaching up to high above his ankles. He squeezes the bouquet of flowers in his hands to make sure they are still in his arms. He sighs contentedly when he feels the soft petals against his fingertips.

Akihiko rubs his hands together a bit, feeling cold. He doesn't stop walking though – even if he finds it painful to come to this place. With each step, his footsteps become heavier, as if they're about to melt into the snow like quicksand, pulling him into the ground. He makes a straight line for his grave, not caring about whether he steps on anything in his path. When he reaches his destination, a smile lights up his handsome face, and he bends down to sit in front of the polished marble grave.

"Hello Misaki." The smile on his face never ceases, he likes being like this. He likes being with his lover. And on this day, especially, he felt even more connected to him. As if he was still right beside him. As if he had never left him in the first place.

"It's winter again. It's very cold, but the view…it's wonderful. I wish you were here to enjoy it with me, Misaki." His smile falters a bit. "We miss you. It's not the same without you, you know? You bring happiness to this place, to me," he explains sadly. By now, his expression is solemn. His appearance doesn't show what he feels inside though.

Akihiko explains how Takahiro and Manami have had another child and how happy they are. And how they've named her Misaki, after him. How maybe he can finally see his parents where he is. How lonely he is back at his apartment, alone. How his own home feels so empty and cold with just him and his Suzuki-sans there.

"I have some more news though, good news," he chuckles, placing the bouquet down in front of his lover. "Hiroki and Nowaki are engaged," he pauses, taking a breath, and trying his best to smile, "they're going to be married in a few months. I'd imagine you would've been ecstatic about this," he loved that about Misaki. He was so kind and pure…he was the epitome of innocence and beauty in Akihiko's eyes. No one was perfect, but Misaki was pretty damn close. "I'm happy for them," he forced himself to say, but deep down, he knew. There was a part of him that felt nothing but pure envy. '_Because I'd always thought it would be us that got married first,' _he thought selfishly.

He cringes at his thoughts…how could he not be happy for his best friend? Had he become so selfish?

"This is your fault, Misaki…you've turned me into what I am now. You spoiled me and loved me until I felt like exploding from happiness." His voice trembles a bit. "But now that you're gone, I'm helpless. Without you…I am nothing. I don't know what to do without you…We are two halves of a whole, Misaki. We belonged together. Soul mates. Isn't that what I used to tell you?" He smiles but it never reaches his amethyst eyes, "How I managed to survive this long without you, I will never know, Misaki." He takes a deep breath, sighing deeply, and exhaling, his breathing ragged, "I miss you, Misaki. I love you."

He laughs humourlessly. How embarrassing, he thinks. Now, Misaki knows how truly pathetic he is. He feels the waves of guilt crash around him, drowning him in a sea of depression. It was frightening. It really _did _feel like he was drowning, but everyone else around him was still breathing normally. But the part he found scariest was that Misaki wasn't there to help him – to lift him and kiss him, and to tell him it was _okay. _

"Misaki, Misaki, Misaki…" he chants his name like a prayer, his voice cracking and tears pricking his eyes. "I'll wait for you." He wipes his tears away with his hand. "If you ever come back, there'll be a light in the hall, and the key under the mat. There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on, and it'll just be like you were never gone." He whispers, promising his dead lover. "I'll wait forever."

Misaki left him too early…they were meant to spend eternity together. Not like this.

"I love you, Misaki. Happy Anniversary." He sits on his knees and kisses the top of his grave before standing up and dusting snow off his pants. He walks away from Misaki, because he knows that if he stays even a second longer, he'll stay there forever.

The truth haunts him, the truth that he'd rather be six feet under the ground than to be alive right now. He doesn't want this life. He wants to be with Misaki. It pains him to know that because he knew Misaki would've wanted him to go on living. To forget Misaki, and maybe meet someone new. Hopefully one day get married, perhaps. But he didn't want that. Akihiko was practically dead inside. And that's how he lives – being alive only for this day and this day only, in a whole year and dead the rest.

The snowflakes that danced around him fell silently.


End file.
